Suffering is not bad. If you understand it rightly, suffering is a cleansing. If you understand it rightly, sadness has a depth to it which no happiness can ever have. A person who is simply happy is always superficial. A person who has not known sorrow and has not known sadness, has not known the depths. He has not touched the bottom of his being; he has remained just on the periphery. One has to move within these two banks. Within these two banks flows the river.
– Osho
Although my depression no longer lingers, the stains of my struggle remain. I remember ceaseless thoughts flooding my mind, a constant pit in my stomach, and a certain numbness to being. But what I remember most is how confused and strangely aware I was of what was happening to my mind.
I was a bit shocked and in awe of the way my mental habits had changed. I couldn’t even remember the way that I thought prior to my experiencing depression. But once it hit me, I realized that my mind was filling with negative thoughts — about myself, my future, my happiness:
“I’ll never be this happy again…”
“Nothing matters anymore…”
…And on and on. Little did I know at the time that these thoughts were reinforcing the depression. It was a seemingly endless cycle of negative thoughts, negative feelings, and negative actions.
I remember laying in my bed, crying, and thinking to myself, “I’m not even crying about the break up anymore. I just want to move on from this sadness. Why is my mind doing this to me? I want to be happy again.”
The realization that it was truly the mind itself that was influencing my overall well-being was a breakthrough for me and gave me the motivation to research psychology and depression on the internet. I wanted to find practical solutions for what I was experiencing and learn more about it. What do other people do in this situation? I was lucky to realize so quickly that I was NOT my depression, but someone who was so deeply hurt that their mind went haywire.
You may be struggling in various ways, whether it is feeling overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, depression, anger, or sadness. Regardless of the situation, your struggle provides an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
1. Take note of the kind of thoughts you are having – they are not facts. For example, the first time I experienced depression, I continually asked myself why I was missing out on happiness. This way of thinking of happiness as something external from yourself to be obtained just reinforces the negative feelings and adds more and more expectations. Happiness is something that comes from you, in the midst of a life well lived. My belief in the thoughts I was having (“I’ll never be this happy again”) made me feel the way I did for so long.
2. Do not attach yourself to the thought. Thoughts and feelings may help us navigate our environment and make sense of the world around us, but if we stay with them too long, it can hinder us. That is why we as humans are also equipped with things like intuition. Intuition gives us a gut feeling of something rather quickly. Let your thoughts and emotions come and go. Saying that you will never be happy again is like saying that the sun won’t rise tomorrow morning. You are most likely only thinking that way because of the situation you are in. Things will change, and you will live your way into new situations.
3. Notice the way that you cope with adversity. When I first experienced depression, I self-harmed because it temporarily numbed the mental anguish I was experiencing. In retrospect, it was like hitting rock bottom. I couldn’t have treated myself worse. Not only that, but it wasn’t a practical coping mechanism AT ALL. It did NOTHING to help me with the real problems I was experiencing. It only made me feel worse in the end.
4. Once you become aware of your bad habits, take small steps to change them. Shortly after I became interested in psychology and self-awareness, I was exposed to Buddhist philosophy. This way of life teaches about the mind and its contribution to suffering. It also offers a way out of suffering. Meditation, for example, is a practical tool that can help train your mind to not attach to thoughts. I used this healthy habit to replace my bad habits, and I continue to meditate to this day because it helps me to cope with the stress of life.
To get to the heart of it: Suffering gives us an opportunity to connect honestly with ourselves. Once we are able to observe ourselves in this state, we can take the next steps to prepare ourselves for future suffering – because we all know that it is unavoidable!
Experience Archive 
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